Your Turn : How to Be an Adult

New York Times bestselling author Julie Lythcott-Haims is back with a groundbreakingly frank guide to being a grown-up

What does it mean to be an adult? In the twentieth century, psychologists came up with five markers of adulthood: finish your education, get a job, leave home, marry, and have children. Since then, every generation has been held to those same markers. Yet so much has changed about the world and living in it since that sequence was formulated. All of those markers are choices, and they’re all valid, but any one person’s choices along those lines do not make them more or less an adult.

A former Stanford dean of freshmen and undergraduate advising and author of the perennial bestseller How to Raise an Adult and of the lauded memoir Real American, Julie Lythcott-Haims has encountered hundreds of twentysomethings (and thirtysomethings, too), who, faced with those markers, feel they’re just playing the part of “adult,” while struggling with anxiety, stress, and general unease. In Your Turn, Julie offers compassion, personal experience, and practical strategies for living a more authentic adulthood, as well as inspiration through interviews with dozens of voices from the rich diversity of the human population who have successfully launched their adult lives.

Being an adult, it turns out, is not about any particular checklist; it is, instead, a process, one you can get progressively better at over time—becoming more comfortable with uncertainty and gaining the knowhow to keep going. Once you begin to practice it, being an adult becomes the most complicated yet also the most abundantly rewarding and natural thing. And Julie Lythcott-Haims is here to help readers take their turn.

"Lythcott-Haims speaks frankly but respectfully to her readers, sharing many of her own gaffs, struggles, and successes. As a Black, biracial, and queer woman, she has faced many of the challenges faced by her audience, and she takes on complicated issues, including those pertaining to gender, sexuality, and culture.... For Lythcott-Haims, success is about fulfillment, not money. With direct, encouraging, and heartfelt advice, Lythcott-Haims covers a lot of sensitive, relevant, and crucial territory."
—Booklist (starred review)

“Age comes naturally. Not being an adult. Your Turn eases the painful adulting struggle. Julie Lythcott-Haims is patient, vulnerable, incisive, and encouraging. She once landed our parents’ helicopters. Your Turn now clears a path to adulthood for us. Let’s take it.”
—Ibram X. Kendi, #1 New York Times bestselling author of How to Be an Antiracist

“Julie Lythcott-Haims has long been one of America’s finest minds and fiercest voices. Now, with this remarkable book, she establishes herself as something else: the mentor our young people deserve. Your Turn is simultaneously electrifying and reassuring—a jaw-dropping, spine-tingling work that will change many lives.”
—Daniel H. Pink, #1 New York Times bestselling author of When, Drive, and A Whole New Mind

“They say there’s no manual for being a grown-up, but former Stanford dean Julie Lythcott-Haims has finally created one—and it’s a must-read. Your Turn is the compassionate, candid, comprehensive guide every young adult needs to navigate smoothly through the world, covering everything from jobs and finances to relationships and emotional health. Julie is part therapist, part tell-it-like-it-is wise older friend whose wisdom will benefit anyone who’s trying to figure out this thing we call life—which is to say, everyone.”
—Lori Gottlieb, New York Times bestselling author of Maybe You Should Talk to Someone

“This is the one book you need to read if you’re ready to take up the challenge of becoming your true and vital adult self. It is filled with great stories of people just like you, told by a master storyteller. We need more adults in the world and it really is Your Turn.”
—Bill Burnett, #1 New York Times bestselling coauthor of Designing Your Life and Designing Your Work Life

“As a wise person once said, 'Prepare the child for the road, not the road for the child.' In all the discussions and debates about the challenges faced by young people today, too little effort has been spent helping them feel empowered, excited, and ready for the challenges of adult life. Julie Lythcott-Haims, after her parenting masterpiece How to Raise An Adult, has turned her skill and wisdom into a guide for living a fulfilling, rich, and meaningful life.”
—Greg Lukianoff, New York Times bestselling coauthor of The Coddling of the American Mind